We Be Goblins!

Session: 11-06-11

The stunning conclusion to We Be Goblins!

As we left off, Vorka had just gained some space on Chuffy after failing to do any noticeable damage to Chuffy’s face and Reta was in a hurting way having her head still stuck between a couple steps leading up to the middeck area of the ship.
Mogmurch, seething with ineptitude from his previous miss wide-right with his first flask of acid, draws another one and with a gleeful squeal, moves closer to the dog that is threatening Chuffy and douses them both with acid.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the ship, Poog gives up on aiding Reta, digs through his pack to find the Dragon Brew Gourd he won for besting Squealy Nord the night before and drinks it quickly, despite the horrible indigestion.
Chuffy quickly stabs into the dog’s bubbling flesh with the Gorge of Gluttons, and with a final yelp, it falls in a heap to the slick boards of the main deck.
As Reta tries to squeeze the rest of the way through the steps leading up to middeck, Vorka retrieves a spider from her spell component pouch and eats it, then, much to everyone’s amazement, climbs the aft mast, much like a baby goblin would climb the bars of its cage.
Mogmurch quickly moves up and throw a bomb straight up at Vorka, but his arm strength only carries it a short distance before it lands on the deck in between him and Chuffy, singeing both. Hearing the commotion, Poog again attempts to help Reta but with his indigestion acting up, isn’t able to be of much assistance.
Chuffy, having taken more damage from his own party than any of his opponents, digs through his pack and drinks a healing potion, turning his chemical-burned and charged skin a relatively fresh shade of lime green.
With a sudden slurping sound, Reta propels herself through the steps and lands on the fresh corpse of the dog she had slain only moments before.
Vorka, still standing precariously on the mast, throws a ball of fire at Chuffy, but misses, and retreats to the relative protection of the aft crow’s nest above.
As if on cue, Mogmurch throws a bomb straight up into the crow’s nest, landing a direct hit on Vorka! Poog, having moved between the steps and the main cabin, heads to the open doorway only to be grabbed by the tongue of a giant frog! Chuffy, standing nearby, slashes at the appendage with the Gorge of Gluttons, scoring a hit as Reta stands up and retrieves her own potion of spider climb from her pack. Above, Vorka begins casting a very complicated spell of certain doom.
Mogmurch, feeling confident in his range to Vorka above, lobs an alchemist’s fire, scoring another direct hit, and causing Vorka to miscast her terrible spell of certain doom. Below, Poog unleashes the fury of the Dragon Brew Gourd, burning the giant frog to a crisp. Reta drinks her potion of spider climb and begins her ascent of the aft mast in pursuit of the ever-elusive cannibal, who screams something about ‘You killed Lord Longtung!” down at Poog, and throws another ball of fire at Reta, scoring a hit on her enlarged head and quickly scampers across the rigging to the crow’s nest amidships.
Quickly, both Mogmurch and Poog race each other up the stairs to middeck, waiting for Vorka to fall. Chuffy, peers into the main cabin and quickly notices a red chest at the back of the room, beyond the remains of the charred frog. He moves to the chest and opens it, giving himself a high five as he examines dozens of fireworks crammed into the chest! He grabs seven skyrockets for himself and plans his next move. Reta, seeing her quarry slipping away climbs into the aft crow’s nest and almost makes it all the way across the rigging to the other one which is now holding Vorka all the while screaming ‘Hela me! Heal me!’ to anyone who will listen. Vorka, on cue, quickly heals herself via a spell and retreats to the roof of galley.
Mogmurch, inspired by Vorka’s elusiveness gets caught up in the moment and yells to her ‘Marry me!’ as both he and Poog continue their race up another flight of steps to the top of the galley, followed eventually by Chuffy. Reta is able to make her way across the last bit of rigging, still screaming for someone to heal her, but is unable to land a wild swing in Vorka’s general direction, but when Vorka launches herself off the side of the galley and down along the outer wall, is able to take a bite out of Vorka’s side with her dogslicer.
Just as Mogmurch reaches the top of the galley, he immediately turns around and runs back down to the middeck after seeing Vorka slip over the side, nearly bowling over Poog in the process and almost knocking Chuffy off the stairs leading up to the top of the galley. Poog finally heeds Reta’s wishes and casts a healing spell on her and waits for Vorka to show back up.
Chuffy’s intuition deems that a quick jump to the main deck from the level above is the best course of action, but mistimes his leap, overshooting the main deck and landing prone in the thick mud below. Reta runs over the edge of the galley and takes another swipe out of Vorka as they both hang on the vertical surface of the galley wall. Vorka, again fleeing the rabid dance of death that is Reta, takes a horrible shot to her back that leaves her fatigued. Regardless, she moves a short distance away, dangling upside down from the bottom of the galley floor that overhangs the main deck and pulls a potion from her belt.
Mogmurch continues storming down the stairs to the main deck and back the way he initially came in hopes of getting a clear shot at Vorka. Far above, Poog moves down the stairs to the middeck and opens the galley door, gazing upon a room straight out of a nightmare and right down the nose of a much larger dog. This blood-stained chamber of horror is covered in various fetishes made of animal and goblin bones, and more hang down from the ceiling. At the far end of the room bubbles a cauldron full of a thick, grey soup. Next to the cauldron is a very damp bag, filled to near bursting, and sitting in the middle of the room is a long table surrounded by a whole family of skeletal goblins, held in place with twine and reeds.
Far below, Chuffy extricates himself from a muddy doom and slowly makes his way back to the bow of the ship and the gangplank leading to the main deck. Reta moves in with another wild swing, but misses badly as she’s not accustomed to fighting upside down. As Vorka moves away, however, Reta is again able to connect with a short slice across Vorka’s stomach. Vorka moves slowly across the bottom of the galley and back up the side.
Finally seeing his chance, Mogmurch hastily prepares his last bomb and throws it at Vorka. Unfortunately for him, he prepared the bomb wrong and as he winds up to throw it up at the cannibal, it explodes in a burst of icy coldness, as opposed to the fiery doom he expected to visit upon her. He collapses to the deck.
Meanwhile, in the galley, Poog vomits a gout of flame at the large dog in front of him, half intentional and half the result of witnessing the atrocities of this filthy room. In the mud below, Chuffy moves to the bottom of the gangplank and retrieves a tindertwig, ready to light a skyrocket at Vorka. Above, Reta moves down the wall to assist (literally) Mogmurch with what she deems to be a suppository of cure light wounds.
The large dog, whom Vorka has named ‘Cuddles,’ takes a bite out of Poog after shaking off the effects of the first ball of fire that engulfed it. Vorka, seeing a helpless Mogmurch throws a ball of flame down upon him, thawing him out some and continues up to the top of the galley again.
Poog, still somewhat nauseated by the scene presented before him, vomits his final breath of flame at Cuddles, turning the dog into an extra crispy slab of meat and surprises himself with a fiery burst of flatulence for good measure. Seeing his opportunity to make big fire with a skyrocket vanish as Vorka crests the top of the galley, Chuffy ascends the gangplank just in time to see Reta pull down Mogmurch’s pants and administer the suppository of healing from her pack. Chuffy is also taken aback by the full frontal monstrosity that is Mogmurch’s 4” member (complete with miniature skull helmet and eye patch). High above, Vorka moves to find Poog all alone at the doorway to the galley but fails to hit him with a fatal ball of fire, as the flame she is holding winks out of existence.
After regaining consciousness, Mogmurch, still prone on the main deck retrieves his healing extract and quaffs it. Sensing imminent peril with a fearsome cannibal looming high above him, Poog pulls out his healing wand and hits himself over the head with it, feeling both dizzy and good at the same time.
Chuffy, hearing the commotion above, quickly moves to the aft of the ship via the way Reta initially went. As he attempts to heroically swing around the support beam and onto the stairway going up, the mud on his hands causes him to lose his grip as he tumbles back down into the mud below.
Reta, smiling down in satisfaction regarding her healing prowess and quick thinking, runs up the support beam and makes it up to the top of the galley just in time to see Vorka drink another potion as her wounds grow visibly lighter.
After doing a quick check to see if he’s ok, Mogmurch removes the fully spent suppository of healing, pulls his pants up and stows the empty bottle in his pack for future use. Poog quickly bashes himself over the head with his healing wand again as Chuffy fails to make any progress in climbing the side of the ship to free himself from the knee-deep mud below. Vorka, sensing danger in the form of a swollen-headed Reta coming from behind, moves away slightly and draws forth yet another potion from her belt.
Mogmurch finally regains his footing on the main deck and retrieves a tanglefoot bag from his pack. Poog again spends another charge of his healing wand by bashing himself over the head with it in hopes of making it work better. Chuffy makes it almost to the bow of the ship when he spies Vorka literally standing on the side of the galley wall closest to him, as Reta takes another swing at the cannibal, wounding her again. Vorka drinks the last of her healing potions and prepares to unleash certain doom again.
Mogmurch runs around to the back of the ship as Poog puts his wand away and draws his last javelin, staring straight ahead at Vorka who lets another potion bottle fall to the main deck. Chuffy moves back away from the ship and lights his skyrocket. Vorka moves slightly away from Reta, who misses with another wild swing that almost sends her tumbling to the deck below and throws a ball of light into the face of Poog, who just so happened to blink at the most opportune moment, spoiling the effect.
Mogmurch stomps up to the middeck behind Poog and readies this tanglefoot bag as Poog unleashes a particularly lackluster burning hands spell upon Vorka, a gift straight from Zarongel. Chuffy’s skyrocket flies true, however, slamming into the side of the galley deafening Reta who only begins to yell louder, and blinding both Poog and Vorka completely, all of which are burned from the surprise explosion from below. Reta, screaming at everyone and wondering why no one is talking to her, swings wildly at the blinded cannibal, but misses.
Seeing the massive explosion from a safe distance away, Mogmurch takes it as a sign from the gods to unleash is alchemical goodness within his tanglefoot bag. His aim is true for a change and Vorka is rooted in place with a strange gooey mess. Poog randomly throws his last javelin, and as if the hand of Zarongel guided him, struck true, and the cannibal hangs limply from the alchemical glue shooter. Below, Chuffy pulls out another skyrocket and yells to Reta to get out of the way, but of course, she can’t hear anything besides herself screaming at everyone else. Reta takes another bite out of Vorka just as her head clears and hears Chuffy screaming at her to move, prompting her to move to the middeck next to Poog.
Mogmurch, emboldened by his luck with the tanglefoot bag, pulls out his last alchemist’s fire and scores another brutal hit on the unconscious Vorka. Poog blinks away the bright lights and pulls out his wand to heal himself again with a quick, one-handed bash over the head. Reta, having followed Chuffy’s instructions to move, is disappointed when nothing happens so moves back in to attack Vorka. As soon as she does, however, Chuffy’s second skyrocket blows a hole in Vorka’s chest and the residual blast knocks Reta unconscious as well.
Over the next few seconds, Vorka’s body continues to burn with alchemist’s fire as Poog administers healing via his wand to Reta until she regains consciousness. The group then proceeds around the ship to ensure everything is dead, Chuffy expertly dissecting the horse with the Gorge of Gluttons and Reta slashing into Vorka ‘just to make sure’ before pulling one last potion from Vorka’s belt. Poog finally pays his god tribute by ensuring the large dog in the galley is dead and cutting off one of his front paws as a trophy. Mogmurch, seeing an opportunity to gain yet another pouch to hold alchemical goodies, heads down to the dead horse in search for a scrotum.
As the rest of the group makes their way to the main deck’s cabin where the charred remains of Vorka’s giant frog companion lay alongside oodles and oodles of shinies (mostly broken but still shiny), Poog’s stomach, having been emptied several times during the course of the day due to the hangover he’s been suffering, gets the better of him as he stands over the bubbling cauldron in the galley. Taking a quick bite, he decides the stew isn’t half bad, kicks the bulging, moist sack next to the cauldron, and takes it with him back down to meet with the others.
Both Mogmurch and Chuffy scour the main cabin for shinies after procuring the rest of the fireworks from the chest, and come away with a shiny silver-and-jade lantern made to look like a coiled dragon, a dozen odd-shaped metal ‘stars’ that apparently haven’t lost their edge, an ivory and gold inlaid fan depicting a strange lizard that looks suspiciously like he wants to sell you insurance (with a crude map drawn on the reverse side showing the Brinestump Swamp, much like the map found in Scribbleface’s hut did), and an oddly long hairpin with a red pearl on one end. Once Poog finds his way down to the main cabin, the moist bag bouncing along behind him, he uses the power of Zarongel to detect any magical auras in the room and quickly finds a wand and a potion in a crystal, heart-shaped vial among the other treasures radiate magic. Poog is able to discern with the help of Zarongel that the wand actually creates food and water when prompted (although there doesn’t seem to be any necessity to banging the wand over the user’s head, much to his chagrin) and when Reta presents the potion she pulled off of Vorka (who still hangs plastered to the galley wall above), Mogmurch is able to identify it as a potion of barkskin, granting the imbiber with a tough, bark-like coating on the skin. Neither Mogmurch or Poog can tell what the crystal, heart-shaped vial does, so Poog elects to drink it. Upon doing so, he clutches his chest, goes to one knee, and looks up into the most beautiful eyes he has ever seen: those of Chuffy.
The group of heroes make their way back to Licktoad Village, Reta leading the way, followed by Chuffy and Poog, who seems completely enamored with the pustular little rogue, while Mogmurch watches it all from behind. As Chuffy swats away Poog’s groping hands and offer to be ‘healed,’ he runs into the back of Reta, who has stopped in the middle of the path, her larger, swollen head cocked to the side. She turns back to Chuffy and yells at him ‘GO AROUND!’
Obligingly Chuffy does, as this could be his chance to get away from the sexual advances of the creepy priest and show off his astute toughness by being the first of the heroes to enter the village AND be carrying all the fireworks. Yes, the glory will be great!
Unfortunately, Chuffy’s memory is all-too short and he quickly finds himself entangled in a large web that he didn’t notice strung across two large trees. Despite his cries for help, Reta and Mogmurch take the fireworks out of his pack and proceed back to the village, giving the copse of trees a wide berth. Almost fittingly, Poog remains close behind Chuffy to lend any ‘assistance’ to the entangled rogue. The last thing the two goblins hear as they make their way back to the village with the fireworks is the tell-tale sound of a flute being played lightly to the tune of ‘Dueling Flutists’ (a favorite among the more lonely goblins of the Licktoad Tribe) and a small whimper accompanied by the ripping of pants-cloth.

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